This little ditty is called Pork Pie Cretin and was recorded in 1987 on a 1/4-inch Tascam 4-track. (I maintain no trumpets were harmed in the making of this tune.)

“Pork Pie Cretin” from Trolling for Olives by Wax. Released: 1987.
Wax: All trumpets, guitars, bass, drum and synth programming.

Why Pork Pie Cretin?

There was a hand written sign in the window of a Hispanic deli.  It said We Have Pork Pie Cretins.

I stopped and read the sign again, several times. True, I was a bit hungover having had a couple of Belgian ales the night before. But I was not that foggy. These words made my head hurt.  I thought perhaps I needed to see the trees first. So I broke it down, one word at a time.

Pork. I like pork. Heck, I love pork!  Bacon, baby back ribs, pulled pork! What’s not to love about pork! Same holds true for pie. I love pie, apple, pumpkin,  pecan, coconut cream, you can’t go wrong.

And I’m not averse to savory pies like the comfort food classic chicken pot pie and one of my favorites, shepherd’s pie. I have never had a pork pie nor have I ever heard of such a thing. But, if they are anything like the  Lebanese meat pies my grandmother used to make then I’m sure to love them!

I actually own a pork pie hat, and although I’ve never said ‘goodbye’ to it (or any other hat for that matter) I love Mingus Uh Hum…

Still staring at the sign I realize the offending word, the word that throws you: cretin.

We Have Pork Pie Cretins?
We Have Pork Pie Idiots?
We Have Pork Pie people with a congenital disease due to absence or deficiency of normal thyroid secretion, characterized by physical deformity, dwarfism, and mental retardation, and often by goiter.

For years that sign haunted me. What could they have trying to say?

Some time later I was watching a cooking program on PBS. The chef, a French-Canadian, was making a pork spread containing onions and spices. It was called Cretons. I learned that Cretons are usually served on toast as part of a traditional Quebec breakfast.

Was it a simple typo that made me wonder?